A COMMUNICATION FROM TRELAWNEY BISQUE
Acting Chief Operations Officer and Chief Communications Chief, Flood PLC Holdings
As you are all aware, Flood PLC Holdings has recently been dominating the headlines in such major national outlets as the Ilford Recorder and the Aberdeen Evening Express.
This is due in no small part to the extravagant behaviour of Flood’s erstwhile Chief Operations Officer, H. Godfrey Manmaster.
Manmaster, who insists on being called ‘the Brigadier’ in spite of never having served, absconded from the Edinburgh company compound sometime in August with a case of papers and a month’s supply of moist towelettes. Due to the vagaries of Scots Law we are required to retain and pay him, even though I have been appointed Acting COO in his absence.
In exchange for this ongoing pay the Brigadier has sent us a small number of unsolicited and unprintable ‘reports’ from exotic locations including Cyprus, Monte Carlo and Scunthorpe Travelodge. His lawyers inform us he plans on submitting originals of these letters, along with some two dozen of the now soiled towelettes, in a civil suit he is prosecuting against the company for ‘grievous deployment of nylon carpets with malice aforethought’.
Regrettably a recent ruling by the Sheriff’s Court upholds an earlier decision that Flood PLC Holdings must continue to pay Manmaster’s legal fees in the case he is bringing against us.
To pay the Brigadier’s costs we have had to scale back activities in our Facebook department by sacking the entire staff and replacing it with an unpaid JSA claimant. We will continue weekly Facebook updates. Our Twitter department is largely unaffected, so for the latest in must-have consumables and global news events, please follow @floodtheatre.
Faithfully Sincere Regards,
Acting COO and CCC, Flood PLC Holdings